Try Until you Can't
by Quicksilver19
Summary: A DeclanLindsay AU story... what if Ethan had managed to save her at the beginning?
1. Chapter 1

Try Until You Can't…

Note: Okay, so I thought that there was something between Declan and Lindsay when I watched the movie and I was so bitter when they killed her off so I decided to write an AU story about it all… Lindsay was a sweet character and they could have done so much with her. And the nickname comes from shortening Declan to Deck then Decks then Dex… makes sense? Maybe only in my little head? Oh, and I can't really remember the getaway scene perfectly, so it's been changed a bit… oh, and the whole story's obviously going to go a bit AU… okay, that's it… enjoy… :)

They made it to the chopper and Lindsay hit the floor with a scream of pain. "Get it out, Ethan! Make it stop!"

Declan looked back and froze. What was wrong with her? He wanted to scream at Ethan to fix her, do something, anything!

"Get us in the air!" Ethan yelled, snapping him from his reverie. He turned back to concentrate on the task at hand. He had to get away from this chopper otherwise it wouldn't matter what Ethan did for Lindsay. He started them towards the windmill field.

"Grab the defibrillator!" Ethan yelled.

Zhen grabbed it and placed it on the floor beside Lindsay's wriggling form.

The missile lock blinked on and he glanced back, yelling, "Hang on." He froze again for a minute, seeing Lindsay. Jesus Christ. If Ethan didn't save her… oh god. He turned back, dodging in and out of the windmills. He was going to save them so that Ethan could save her. He had to make a quick turn to dodge the missile, which flew harmlessly into a windmill, exploded and knocked it to the ground. He heard Ethan yell, "Zhen!" and looked back, clenching his jaw. Zhen was hanging out of the chopper by the defibrillator. He wanted to yell, selfishly, for them to let her go if they couldn't pull her in quick enough. He was that focused on Lindsay. He would do anything, sacrifice anything right now, even the lives of the three people in the back, for her. "Shit." He tried to stay as steady as he could to make it as easy as possible.

The missile lock beeped again and he swore again. "We've got another one!" He was glad they'd managed to pull her in in time. "Hang on!" He dodged it again and started to get angry. "Jesus Christ. That's it." He aimed the chopper straight at a windmill, praying that he'd timed it right. It took all the concentration he had but he made it through the blades.

The chopper following them wasn't so lucky. The windmill's heavy blade crashed straight down on the cockpit, destroying it completely. He turned back with a triumphant "Yes!" just in time to see Ethan yell, "clear!" and bring the paddles down on Lindsay's chest.

She slumped, her body limp. His heart jumped into his throat. Please let her be okay, please…

"Charge it again!" Ethan was sweating, checking her pulse and looking like he'd had his heart torn out.

The machine beeped Ready and he brought the paddles down onto Lindsay's limp body. "Clear!"

She surged upright with a gasp of pain and he clutched her to his chest, murmuring, "You're alright, you're fine Lindsay."

Declan let out the breath he didn't know he was holding the whole time, feeling light headed and dizzy.

Ethan pushed Lindsay gently back to the floor of the chopper. "We have to scan your head to make sure we got the charge…"

"Yeah, sure," she said faintly. "Thanks Ethan. Thanks for everything." Then she blacked out.

"Lindsay!" Ethan checked her pulse. She was okay, just unconscious. He turned to Declan who hadn't taken his eyes off of Lindsay and had to hold himself back from jumping from the controls to take her in his arms. "Get us to the drop point as fast as you can!"

Declan nodded grimly, glancing at Linsday then turned back to the controls determinedly.

Ω Ω Ω

They landed at a secure base in Switzerland and everyone jumped out, racing to get Lindsay inside and secure. First, Luther, then Ethan with Lindsay in his arms, and Declan and Zhen guarding the rear.

Inside, Declan watched Ethan go to work on Lindsey. She was stripped down to her tanktop and pants, both ripped to the point of indecency to reveal multiple wounds: bruised ribs (probably broken, he thought miserably), a swollen ankle, cuts and bruises. He flinched as Ethan reset her fingers. The only small mercy was that she had passed out when they'd landed and hadn't come to since.

She was stable, her breathing even and her eyelids twitched as if she was dreaming. He prayed they were good dreams.

Ethan moved to the other hand, shocked that Lindsey had been able to move as well as she had in their escape. He made it through three fingers before the pain brought her back.

She shot up with a gasp and Declan resisted the urge to rush to her.

She was breathing hard and fast, her body screaming at her in pain. "God!"

"Lins." Ethan was beside her, arms wrapped around her slight frame. "It's okay, you're okay… you're safe."

She blinked back tears, said, "Good," faintly then passed out again.

"Can't you give her morphine or something!" Declan exploded finally.

Ethan looked over at him. "Zhen's gone to get some."

Declan clenched and unclenched his jaw as Ethan cleaned some of her worse wounds. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yeah, you can get a car. Take Luther and get some transportation for us. As soon as she's stable, we're gone. We've got to get her back to the U.S. as soon as possible."

Declan dropped his gaze and nodded. "Yeah, sure."

Ω Ω Ω

He watched her across the plane's cabin. She was sitting close to Ethan and they were talking in low, serious voices. He needed to talk to her badly.

Alone.

Ethan was nodded, putting a comforting hand on hers then got up and moved towards the cockpit.

Now.

Declan all but launched himself out of his chair and tried to calmly walk towards her. He sat down beside her, suddenly nervous. He had nothing to say.

"Hey Dex," she said softly, without turning her head from the window. She'd always been able to do that.

He closed his eyes. Just hearing his nickname from her lips made him want to throw himself on her and smother her with hugs and kisses and other silly mushy stuff but he didn't. Instead, he replied with a subdued, "Hey."

Her hand moved on the armrest, her pinky – her only unbroken finger – hooked onto his. "Hey."

He relaxed. That was all it took. He wanted to kiss her but that was probably impossible, given the look of her face.

She read his mind. "I'm a mess."

"You're gorgeous. I want to kiss you."

"You'll have to wait, Casanova."

She was tired, he could feel it – tired and tense.

"I still remember how you looked on our first date. You were so suspicious…"

She half-laughed. "Tell me…"

Ω Ω Ω

Okay, that's the beginning, let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

Ω Ω Ω

_He leaned against the car, waiting impatiently. They were in Geneva_ _and he'd gotten a date with this gorgeous blond, legs for days. She was late though. Thirty fucking minutes late. She had better be worth it. _

_Lindsey walked by and laughed. "Stood up by another gorgeous European who came to her senses just in time?" _

_He gave a false bark of laughter. "Rich, Ferris, real rich…" He studied her. She was trooping off with her camera bag and dressed casually in khakis and a black t-shirt. "Where are you going?" _

"_Like you care?" _

"_Humour me. I've just been rejected by a leggy blond. I need, what do you Americans say, a pick-me-up?" _

_She kept walking. "Not your rebound girl, Dex." _

_He locked the car and jogged after her. "C'mon, Lins. Let me come with you. We'll have fun." _

_She looked at him suspiciously. "Seriously? You want to go do stupid tourist stuff with me? The stuff that you scoff at everyplace we go?" _

"_Seriously. My treat." _

_She cocked her head sideways, sizing him up. "You're making fun of me." _

"_Am not. Look, I have reservations at La Bohème tonight. Let me take you. It's not til six so we can do wonky tourist things and I'll even let you take my picture in front of statues and we can make goofy faces at people in the United Nations." _

_She studied him for a moment. Was he serious? He actually wanted to forgo dating some gorgeous dumb blond to go out with her? It must be a joke… _

_He watched her as she had an internal struggle. She was actually pretty cut, could be gorgeous even… if she cleaned up. "Right. I'll make you a deal… I go, be humiliated by you in tourist crap and do whatever you want and you get yourself gorgeous and come out with me tonight." _

_She stared at him, as if trying to see through him, to see his agenda. "Fine." _

"_Dressed to the nines." _

"_Pictures with an animal suited man." _

_He shot her a killer smile. "If you can find one." _

Ω

We actually had a decent time, y'know?"

She sighed. "Yeah, who'd a thunk it, huh?"

Ω

_They'd spent the afternoon goofing around, taking a ton of picture, buying random souvenirs for her parents and friends. They forgot all about IMF, the missions, the identities, and were just tourists. _

'_Maybe even lovers on vacation,' Declan mused as he looked over at her as she snapped pictures of the mountains. _

"_This is nice," she said, as if reading his mind. "I like being normal every once in awhile." _

"_Giving p the guns and the cool cars and the secret identities?" he asked smirking, one eyebrow raised. _

"_I said, once in awhile." _

_He laughed. "Lifer." _

"_You wouldn't either," she accused. "How else are you going to meet women?" _

_He clutched his chest mockingly. "That hurts right here, Lins, you don't even know…" _

"_But seriously." _

_He flashed her a dazzling smile. "Not for anything." _

_She eyed him. "Nothing?" _

"_What? You're expecting me to stay something about secretly wanting more… a family… and no one understands how lonely it is?" He laughed. "C'mon, you know me better than that." _

_She started off. "Yeah, but I expected more." She wasn't surprised but she was disappointed. "One last place." _

_He was startled by how deep her five words hit him but shook it off. 'Get with it, Declan,' he told himself. 'It's Lindsey.' He gave a mock sigh but followed obligingly. "What's it to be this time? A pony ride? A meeting with the head of the UN to discuss what he's doing wrong and how to correct it?" _

_She shook her head. "Hardy har. No. Let's get going if we're going to make those reservations tonight…" _

Ω

"You were totally shocked," she said quietly.

"Yeah, but at the same time, not at all…"

Ω

"_It's even better than I thought it was going to be!" _

_Declan followed her into the art gallery without saying anything. Usually he'd avoid these places. C'mon, what sort of interesting things could you find here? Dusty old paintings, old people… as it turned out, Lindsey herself became the object of his study. _

_He watched her as they went from room to room and she marvelled at each painting. Her face would light up. She'd pause at the ones that she really liked and just stare. He'd never seen anyone so interested and so intent about something. It was both good and bad. Good because she was so passionate and would see things through but also bad because everything became personal to Lindsey. Too personal. You couldn't get too attached in this business, he'd always thought. Too much to lose. He suddenly felt light headed as he watched her face and his resolve wavered. He checked his watch. _

"_Well, time to go." _

_She started, forgetting where she was and who she was with. Her stomach grumbled, reminding her of the time. "Oh, yeah, right. I guess." She looked wistfully back at the painting as they walked away. _

_He stole glances at her as they walked back. "So, you'll have to get a little more dressed up than that if you want to get into La Bohème." _

_She grinned. "Yeah, wouldn't want to embarrass you…" _

Ω

"God, you were so fucking gorgeous when I saw you for dinner…"

Ω

_She checked herself in the mirror one last time, self-consciously. Did she look alright? She looked weird. _

"_Goin' somewhere special?" Zhen asked, looking up from her magazine. _

"_Just going to dinner with Dex."_

_Zhen laughed. "Declan is bailing on some hot leggy blond for you? No offense…" She flipped a page, looking up at Lindsey innocently through her eyelashes. _

"_It's not a date," she defended. "He's making me go because I made him do touristy stuff this aft…" _

_Zhen arched an eyebrow at her. "Mmhmm… just be careful." _

_Lindsey turned away, hitching up her dress to strap her gun to her thigh. "Always." _

Ω

"I couldn't believe it."

Ω

_She walked down to the lobby, still feeling weird with Zhen's look and laugh stuck in her head. What if she'd overdressed? What if he laughed at her? 'Grow up, Ferris. This isn't a date. And of course Declan is going to laugh. It's Declan…" _

_Declan lounged against the wall, watching a small redhead get out of her Lamborghini and saunter into the hotel. Now she was a fine prize. He watched her wait for the elevator and get in as a blond slid out. She looked familiar. Familiar, and gorgeous. Lindsey bloody Ferris was walking towards him looking every inch the beautiful woman in a light turquoise cocktail dress that cut low down between her breast and showed off a hell of a lot of leg. "Well, well, Ferris, you clean up well…" _

_She surveyed him. He was sleek in black pants and a navy button up that made his eyes jump out at you. "Same to you." _

_He offered his arm. "Shall we?"_

_They started off but then she stopped. "Wait, wait, what is this?"_

_He looked around, confused. "What? Where?" _

"_Us. What are we doing?"_

_He relaxed, rolling his eyes. "What a surprise. C'mon, Lindsey, just let it be whatever it is. We're two adults having dinner together." _

_She frowned. "Then what?"_

"_Then I throw you over my shoulder, hop on my white horse and ride off into the sunset. What are you expecting?"_

"_Well." She looked uncomfortable, rubbing the back of her neck. "I dunno." _

_He tugged on her hand towards the waiting car. "Stop overanalyzing. This isn't a life or death mission, Lins. Relax. We've got to get something alcoholic in you…" _

Ω Ω Ω

Let me know what you think! Ciao!


	3. Chapter 3

_Dinner was better than she expected it to be. The food was amazing and Declan was a surprisingly good conversationalist. They finished around 9 and Lindsey was flushed and tipsy from the wine. Declan was regarding her through lowered lashes wickedly. "Would you like to go dancing?" _

"_You think I can?" _

_They ended up at a nearby club and it turned out that she could dance, and was a good dancer, even drunk. He was surprised by the fact that she was a good dancer, a sexy dancer at that. Lindsey Ferris had moves. He almost laughed. He did laugh. _

"_What's so funny?" she yelled._

"_You dance sexy!" _

_She stopped dancing. "What?"_

_He pulled her close and bent to be heard over the music. "I figured you'd have some nerdy dance or at very least goofy…" _

_Her eyes flashed and she pulled away. "Because I'm a nerd." _

"_Well, I always thought so, yeah," he replied bluntly. "Why are you upset? You've corrected a terrible prejudice with every surprisingly sexy thing you've done tonight…" _

"_Well, I'm glad I could surprise you…" she replied huffily. _

"_You should be. It takes a lot to surprise me. Now come on. Let's not let my superiority complex ruin the evening…" He grinned at her. "C'mon, Lins. Give us a smile." _

_She shook her head in wonder but couldn't keep a smile from slowly creeping onto her face. "I hate you Declan." _

"_Yeah, yeah, take a number. Now dance with me. Or-" he smiled wickedly. "-would you like me to kiss it better?" _

_She eyed him for a moment contemplating how far she could push it. "Would you?" she asked defiantly. When he didn't move, she flashed him a wicked grin of her own and disappeared into the crowd. _

_He smiled wryly, shaking his head. He was one who enjoyed the hunt but this time it was different. She was dangerously close to the line, flirting with it. Did he want to throw them over? Once past, they could probably never come back, given Lindsey's personality. He shook his head again. This wasn't for fun anymore; he couldn't just get on a plane and forget about her. They'd always be around each other, dealing with each other. Was he ready for that? Catching sight of Lindsey's lithe form, he decided. _

Ω Ω Ω

"That was some kiss…" she said softly.

"Wasn't it though?" he replied just as softly.

Ω Ω Ω

_She'd been dancing with a blond, blue-eyed European poster boy when she felt him behind her. Since they'd started missions together, she cold always sense him when he was nearby. It made things easier. Easier and slightly frustrating. _

_He grabbed her by the wrist, spun her around and his lips crashed down on hers. It was a rough kiss, a searching kiss, a possessive kiss. He pulled her close and half-whispered, half-yelled into her ear. "You want to get out of here?" _

_She looked up into his eyes and shook her head. She didn't want to be just another one of his girls. She wasn't a trophy. _

"_It's not like that!" he yelled._

"_Oh yeah? How's it like then?"_

"_Can we go somewhere quieter to talk?"_

_She snorted unlady-like. "You? Talk?"_

"_Hey I talk," he said defensively. _

"_Yeah, to the mirror." _

_He took her hand and led her out of the club and back to the car. They got in but he didn't turn the engine on._

"_I'm not going to be one of your girls, Declan," she said firmly before he could say anything. "I'm not like that. It's not my idea of fun." _

"_I know you're not like that and that's not how this is. I'd never treat you like that." He looked surprisingly scandalized. _

"_So what? What now? What do we do?"_

"_I don't know," he said tiredly, rubbing his face with his hands. "I've never had to deal with this sort of thing…I'm used to…simple…"_

_They sat in silence, both thinking. _

"_Well, I…"_

"_You see..." _

_They both stopped and stared. _

"_You first," he said first. _

"_No, go ahead."_

"_Ladies first…" he swept the air with a hand._

"_Age before beauty…" she countered._

_He narrowed his eyes. "You are so…"_

_She smiled and challenged, "What? I'm what?"_

"_Annoying. Frustrating. Infuriating. Take your pick." _

"_Frustrating."_

_He stared. "What?"_

"_Well, Annoying is bad and infuriating is bad and neither is attractive but frustrating…well, frustrating is good. Sexually frustrating is even better…" She lowered her eyelashes and looked up at him through them. _

Ω Ω Ω

"You _were_ frustrating."

"You loved it…" She attempted a half-smirk, which changed to a grimace of pain.

Ω Ω Ω

_They went straight back to the hotel without a word. They walked through the lobby, hands brushing. The tension between them amped up with every passing second. When the elevator doors slid shut, he couldn't take it anymore. He turned and practically slammed her up against the wall, his lips crashing into hers. His hands were all over her, her hips, her back, her hair, her arms. _

_She pushed back, walking him back until his back hit the wall. "I'm not going to be one of your girls," she repeated fiercely. She kissed him hard and fast, then the elevator doors opened and she was gone, leaving Declan stunned in the elevator. Lindsay Ferris had surprised him again. _

Ω Ω Ω

"I wanted you."

She sighed. "I know… so did I but…"

"But you still didn't trust me…"

Something like that. I didn't trust me around you…"

"But then there was Egypt…"

Ω Ω Ω

Reviews welcome!


	4. Chapter 4

Ω Ω Ω

_Declan had been missing for three days after a deep cover assignment. They found him finally in a casino in downtown Cairo. Lindsay was sent in to find out what the hell was going on. _

_She dressed sexily in a black slinky dress and smoky makeup. Her cover was that she was a old friend of Declan, or Cooper McTavish to his business associates and wanted to get 'reacquainted with him. Surely they wouldn't deny an old friend some time alone? She strutted into the casino, head high._

_It worked. She found him at the high rollers' blackjack table, tapped him on the shoulder and when he turned around, she slapped him full across the face then gave him a full, long kiss. "Where the hell have you been?" she yelled in French. "You were supposed to be in Morocco_ _with him and instead I hear you are in Cairo_ _with your little friends playing cards?" She sniffed disdainfully at the shocked men. _

_Declan's reaction was priceless. He went from shock to anger to desire, exactly as she knew he would. "Well, I…"_

"_And then you can't even introduce me to your friends?" she screamed, then turned to the other men. "Sophia Antoinette Neveau…" she said demurely. _

_The men nodded at her, some leering at her openly and others chuckling at the red appearing on Declan's face. _

"_Sophia, can we do this later?"_

_She turned back on him, enraged. "Non, no we can't. I am going up to my room and if you know what is good for you, you will come too." She stormed off. _

_He turned to the other men, apologetically. "I'm sorry, gentlemen but I will have to fold from this game. I have more…ah…pressing matters. Have a good evening."_

_More leering, more laughter but they nodded and he was gone. _

_When he got out of their sight, he sprinted, seeing her slight figure weaving through the crowd. He made it to the elevator just as it was closing and Lindsay wiggled her fingers at him, grinning. "Dammit!" He hit the closed doors with the palms of his hands in frustration and raced back to the front desk. "D'you have a room for Sophia Neveau?"_

_The clerk looked at him snottily but typed a few keys anyway. "Yes sir. Top floor. Penthouse. Is she expecting you?"_

"_Yes."_

_She eyed him suspiciously then gave a half shrug. "The code is 7645."_

"_Thank you." He raced back into the elevator. Punching the penthouse code, he fidgeted nervously as he waited. _

_When he got to the door, he stopped. He didn't know what to expect. Was she Lindsay, shy and timid Lindsay or sexy sultry Sophia? Or a mix of both because they really were the same person…_

_He knocked softly. _

_The door opened and he was yanked inside. His smirk faded when he came face to face with Luther Strickland. _

"_You goin' AWOL on us, Agent Gorman?" _

_He surveyed the room. Suitcases, Zhen looking bored, Lindsay reading, one high heeled leg swung over the other, showing a lot of leg. He swallowed hard. "They were always around, always a little suspicious. I didn't have time." _

_Luther crossed his arms. "Well, now you do. Agent Ferris will be your wingman, sorry, wingwoman-" he tipped his head to her "-and your cover's in here. Learn it." He tossed Declan a file. "We've got you some time so stay, learn, get Ferris up to speed and we'll see you in five days. Close the deal or we'll close it for you." He turned his back and went to Lindsay._

_Declan wanted to pull a face but Luther probably had surveillance gear all over the room so he settled for opening the file with a sigh. The guy needed to relax… exjoy life…_

Ω Ω Ω

_He watched her get ready for bed, mulling over the file. They were supposed to be old lovers from long ago reuniting so he'd given up his room and moved into the penthouse with her._

_She was bloody cute when she was brushing her teeth. _

_What was wrong with him? It was like he'd turned into this idiot schoolboy with a silly crush all over again. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd had a crush. He was the job. It was safer and easier and less complicated. He didn't do romance and he didn't do crushes. He had desires and lusts but not likes… maybe it was just a respect thing. Her skills as an agent just turned him on. 'Yeah, along with everything else she does…' a snide voice added. He shook his head. "So, you want the couch or the bed?"_

_She stopped brushing her teeth long enough to give him a long 'Are you kidding me?" look before spitting. "I think we're adult enough to share a king-sized bed, you, me and your ego. Besides, we might as well get used to it… tomorrow we're going to be a lot closer…" _

"_But that's not really in our control, is it?"_

_She felt like hitting him. She felt like yelling, 'Are you kidding me? D'you remember Italy? Do you even care, you son of a bitch?" But she didn't. Too much control training as an agent. Instead, she shut the bathroom door to change. _

_When she came out, she avoided his eyes. She felt self-conscious in just boxers and an oversized t-shirt. When he had told her he was moving into the penthouse, she'd acted like such an idiot – blushing and stammering. Alone, together for five days. On top of being on sexual public display in front of the people they were trying to take down. _

"_Can you handle it?" Zhen had asked, half snidely. "Or is it against your religion or something?" She was always coming down on Lindsay for not getting out more, not getting more guys. _

_Who knew? She hadn't had an answer. She grabbed her book and padded to the bed, Declan watching her from over his laptop. _

"_Those from an old or current boyfriend?"_

_She stared at him blankly until he nodded to her boxers. "Oh, um, old." She climbed into bed and opened her book. _

"_He let you have them?"_

"_Huh?"_

"_Did he give them to you or did you take them?"_

"_He left them." She opened the book again. _

"_Because I'd be pretty pissed if an ex-girlfriend didn't give me back my shorts… they can be pricey, y'know…" _

"_D'you have any sisters?"_

"_Huh?" She held the book in her lap and watched him with a blank look on her face. "Sisters… any sisters?"_

"_Yes, two… why?" He looked startled and confused._

"_Now I know how they feel…" She closed the book, exasperated, and turned out the light. _

_He sat in the glow of the laptop, watching her fall asleep, then closed it and went to sleep on the couch._

Ω Ω Ω

Okay, so I'm going to be away for ten days so please be patient… the story will come back! I'll try to update it during but I don't think I'll have internet access. Let me know what you think!


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